"I'll Call You"

What the heck is that, exactly?

Is that a promise? A fervent hope? A cruel joke? A euphemism for "Don’t Hold Your Breath"?

I think I can say with certainty that I have never uttered those words to someone without the sincere intention of actually picking up a telephone in the not-distant future and dialing that person’s number. In fact, I can’t specifically remember a time when I said "I’ll call you." and didn’t do it.

So what’s up with guys who, apparently, make a lifestyle out of the insincere "I’ll call you."?

Is it safe to assume that men make that statement with the same sincere intent...and then for some reason change their mind? Perhaps there should be an etiquette for letting the person, the callee, know that the plans have changed and that there will be no phonecall forthcoming. He’s thought it over and no longer intends to call, in spite of what he said at the end of the date.

Or maybe at least "I’ll call you" could be amended for accuracy. Maybe guys could end a date with "I’ll call you if I don’t change my mind." Or "Maybe I’ll call you." Wow, that "maybe" just changes the whole meaning of the statement, doesn’t it? Now the callee knows that he might call but he might not. She knows the score.

Why obscure the score by saying you’ll do something and then not doing it?

My best friend Sissy has a boyfriend, Bill, who says there is an implied "B.I.D." after each "I’ll call you." Any time he says "I’ll call you." you can assume that he means "Before I Die." Lest Sissy get the wrong idea about the time frame associated with the expected phone call.

Still, B.I.D. implies that he does indeed plan on calling, eventually, right? What about when a guy intends never to call? How about "I’ll call you--I.Y.D." (In Your Dreams).

Remember that Friends episode when Chandler kept having to go out with Rachel’s boss even though he didn’t like her, because he couldn’t stop himself from saying "I’ll call you." at the end of each date? Is that what this is about? You can’t think of a polite way of ending a mediocre date with someone you don’t want to see again?

How about this--if you feel compelled to say "I’ll call you" to be polite, how about go ahead and call for the same reason, to be polite. Say thanks for the date, take care, hang up. You don’t have to ask her out again just because you called.

Or better yet, end the date with a polite "Good luck" or "Take care" instead. How about "Have a great weekend, hope all that works out for you with your boss." How about just "Good night."

We can take the kiss-off phrases a lot better than a false promise.

Really, if you’re ending your mediocre or bad dates with "I’ll call you," what do you say at the end of a really fantastic date?

Don’t tell me."How do you want your eggs?"