Patience

When we slept, he stretched his leg across the wide bed, mumbling, half asleep, “No. I need to be touching you.” And so his foot lay always against mine, or his hairy leg caressed my smooth one, and he talked in his sleep, with many sweet things to say.

I breathed his breath into my lungs like a shotgun hit and held it there, wanting to get higher on him, intoxicated. Delirious. And on our last morning together, I kissed the back of his neck and whispered, “Don’t forget me.” It was my way of casting a spell to hold me in his memory. I thought he was asleep, but he startled me by answering, “No way. I promise.”

Since we parted, I have, as I tend to do, descended into purple shades of madness, and he cheerfully says, “You’re so cute.” This should absolutely drive me fruity, but instead it calms me. Here is a man who finds my madness cute. He seems not afraid of it. He is rather insane himself.

We both admit to jealousy, neither of us wanting to discuss what there may or may not be to be jealous of. It would be ludicrous to make unsubtle promises or declarations at this point. We both have very full lives to live with a thousand miles in between them.

This morning I woke up before the alarm and quietly watched the sunrise for a few minutes from my pillow, thinking of him, of course, wondering if he might be thinking of me. My alarm clicked on, the radio station, precisely with the opening bars of this song. Almost like it was magick. Must be my week for heavy metal rock ballads, I thought, as I reached over to turn off the radio so I could get out of bed. Then the words stopped me, and I lay there a bit longer, listening.

Shed a tear 'cause I'm missing you

I'm still alright to smile

Girl, I think about you every day now

You know how I am, how could I not close my eyes and feel him in that song?

Sit here on the stairs

'Cause I'd rather be alone

If I can't have you right now, I'll wait dear

Sometimes, I get so tense

But I can't speed up the time

But you know, love, there's one more thing to consider

Said woman take it slow

Things will be just fine

You and I'll just use a little patience

It was like those days when his bed was “our” bed and he needed to be touching me—this morning he reached his heart across the miles and touched me in my bed for a few minutes. What a nice way to start the day.