Lather, Rinse, Repeat

My friend Sissy wrote a blog recently in which she asked the eternal question that has buggared women timelessly--how do you "wash that man outta your hair"? How do you get over a guy and move on? How do you put yourself out of your own misery and stop thinking about him?

To find the answers, I consider the Masters of Moving On, men themselves. The reason this is a Woman's question is because men have this one covered. They are already trained to the point of second nature to deny, suppress, cover up or control any form of weakness in themselves. Sitting around pining over a woman would definitely be considered a form of weakness by any man. Not gonna do it, nope.

Okay, so how does he not do it? Assuming that he feels at least the same initial urges to think about her obsessively, what method does he use to deny, suppress, cover up and control those urges? What makes them go away?

Being not a man, I can only guess. He distracts himself, I imagine, with beer and football. Golf. Another woman or two. (Or ten?) Work. Maybe he gets angry at himself and calls himself a puss every time he catches himself thinking about her. Maybe he gets mad at her and convinces himself she's not worth his slightest attention.

Whatever it is, it seems to work quite well most of the time.
Except when it doesn't.

This weekend past, I was having my own private Primal Scream Therapy session when my phone rang, interrupting me in mid-scream. It was Dutch, of all people, whom I haven't heard from in more than a year. We'd had a brief flirtation which never progressed to anything much. His pro/con sheet looked like this:

Pros- tall, good-looking, plays guitar
Cons- married. he's not Chris.

Well, Dutch called to share the news that he and his wife split up and that he's been having dreams about me. I guess he did not wash me completely out of his hair. So, it seems his pro/con sheet looks like this:

Pros- tall, good-looking, plays guitar, he's not Chris
Cons- lives on the other side of the metroplex, he's not my lobster.

It's a funny old world, isn't it?

Anyway, back to the topic of moving on, getting over, washing that man out of one's long red hair (or long black hair, in Sissy's case).

If distractions don't work, I intend to get spiritual. Go within. It's said that intense relationships affect your solar plexus chakra, just below your heart. It vibrates in the color of yellow. I often dream yellow dreams. This is the place where your soul connects and becomes enmeshed with the soul of another. By working on this chakra, meditating and reeling in that tangled yellow cord, I'll wash that man right out of my hair. It's a tricky process, but I can do it and so can Sissy. We can do anything, we are intrepid.